Musings of aMuseMentality

Rule #1: Don’t bitch at us about the prices.  We didn’t make them up. Variants include directly criticizing store prices and passive aggressively suggesting that you will shop elsewhere next time.  Here’s a hint: we get paid whether you shop here or not.  Your business is a drop in the bucket; and if you are going to be rude to us, we would - in fact - prefer that you take your business elsewhere.

Rule #2:  Dear coupon masters: we think it’s great that you know how to work the system to save money.  We don’t mind scanning twenty coupons; indeed it’s actually kind of fun to watch your total amount owed decrease so dramatically.  But for the love of God, do NOT hand us the coupons one at a time with each item they accompany.  It will suffice nicely to hand us all your coupons in a little stack after all your purchases have been scanned.  Then we can zap all your coupons at once and be done with it.  Unless you have neglected…

Rule #3:  Don’t hand us expired coupons, or coupons that do not fit the product you are trying to purchase.  If you do, we will have to sit there reading the fine print until we figure out why exactly the coupon isn’t working (after all sometimes coupons simply do not register properly in our computer, and we would not want you to miss a discount).  Meanwhile, our customer queue gets backed up, and the customers behind you get moody.  Assuming you are capable of reading, this is a step you can easily prevent by reading the entirety of the coupon on your own time.

Rule #4:  We are not allowed to “accept a coupon anyway” or “key it in by hand” if it does not meet the required criteria.  Doing so could cost us our jobs, so do not ask us to do so.  If you do, you are implying that our jobs are not worth the $0.75 cents you would have saved on that bottle of shampoo.  (The same rule applies to the criteria to receive any sales price listed in our store ad.)

Rule #5:  Do not insist on using another coupon you “just found” after you have already started paying for your purchase.  At that point we have no choice but to void the transaction, remove all your items from the bags, and start over.

Rule #6:  At this point I think I have made it pretty clear that we are on your side.  We would love to save you money.  But we cannot offer you valuable discounts if you are unable to accept them.  Therefore, it would be best to avoid talking on your cell phone at the check-out counter.  Setting aside the fact that it’s rude as hell, it’s your loss in the long run.

Rule #7:  Please do not look at us like we have three heads if we ask you for your discount card or if we request that you make a donation to charity.  We are required to ask these questions.  Yes, we know you find them tiresome, but how must we feel, asking them hundreds of times a day.  Although…

Rule #8:  You could prevent one of those questions by having your discount card ready before you get to the counter.  Or by being prepared to give your phone number so we can look it up if you’ve forgotten your card.  As a side note, if you’ve forgotten to ready your discount card before getting to the register, it takes the average person two days to find it in the abyss that is their wallet and/or purse; on the other hand, it takes a good cashier approximately ten seconds to look it up by keying in your phone number.

Rule #9:  If you are paying with a check, please fill out everything but the dollar amount before getting in line.  Neither I, nor the customers behind you want to wait for you to fill out the whole thing.

Rule #10:  Every card reader in the world is going to ask you for a few things after you swipe your card: payment type (debit, credit, EBT, etc.), enter your pin number, provide your signature, would you like cash back, and so forth.  Complete all the prompts so I do not have to ask you to do so.

Rule #11:  Shit happens.  Sometimes you get to the register and you cannot pay for your whole purchase.  No need to be embarrassed.  Just kindly decide which items we should remove from your purchase so you can make the payment.  Hell, we’ll even put the discarded items back on the shelf for you.  But please don’t get mad at us over the situation.  Again, we didn’t price the items.  Furthermore, if you get to the register and your card is - for some reason - being declined, that is also not our fault.  We can’t very well let you walk out of the store without paying…

Rule #12:  Do not steal.  Seriously.  Should I even have to mention this?  I do not want to have to chase you down and go all ninja on you.

Rule #13:  “Use next register” signs exist for a reason.  Usually it is because our work obligations take us to a part of the store where we cannot see all the registers.  We use the register in our line of sight so that we may attend to you quickly and effectively when you are ready to check out.  Standing frustratedly at another register, drumming your fingers impatiently will get you no where because we don’t know you’re standing there.  Otherwise we may be using an “inconvenient” register (i.e. any register that is not closest to the door) because we have to attend to the photo machine, the other register is out of order, the drawer is being counted, or our other colleague is currently using it (even though he/she is away at the moment).

Rule #14:  Sometimes we get involved in our other duties and do not realize that you are waiting at the register.  It is perfectly acceptable for you to get our attention and say that you are ready to check out.

Rule #15:  The store ad paper is the same for every store in the chain.  Therefore, small stores in rural areas may not carry all the products shown in the sales paper.  Please do not get mad at us if we do not carry the item you had your heart set on.  Go to a different store in the chain, or even call ahead to see if we have the item.

Rule #16:  If you are buying cigarettes, provide the full name of the product you want and point to its general location on the shelf.  There is a whole wall of cigarettes and some of us are unfamiliar with the items because we don’t smoke.  Help us out and we’ll waste less time searching for what you want.

Rule #17:  If you are buying cigarettes, alcohol, or cough medicine, and you are under 30 years of age, please have a government ID ready for us.  If you are over 30, be prepared to provide your birthday.  We have to enter it into the computer whether you are 18 or 80.

Rule #18:  We are trained to spot fake IDs and counterfeit money.  In fact we even have a black light to detect these items.  Don’t insult our intelligence.

Rule #19:  Don’t leave your trash on the shelves, floor, in the shopping carts, etc.  We are neither your mom nor your maid.

Rule #20:  Shopping carts do not belong in the aisles (unattended), in the parking lot, on the sidewalk, in front of the check-out counter, etc.  (Neither do shopping baskets.)  Please return them to their proper place at the front of the store when you are done with them.  This location is situated right next to the entrance for your convenience.

Rule #21:  Don’t expect us to develop your ten rolls of film in one hour.  It simply isn’t possible.

Rule #22:  If you have a quick question, please feel free to ask us while while we are checking out another customer.  As long as you are polite about it, the customer won’t mind, and we will be happy to answer you.

Rule #23:  If you are shopping in a drug store, odds are you are sick, or you are stressed out from dealing with someone else that is sick.  We empathize with you, so please don’t take out your stress or bad feelings on us.

Rule #24:  We know your prescriptions are important, but if the pharmacy is closed for the day, it is securely locked, and we do not have the key.  We could not get in to retrieve your medicine even if we wanted to.  Since pharmacy hours are often shorter than the store hours, please check online or call ahead of time to see if it will be open.

Rule #25:  Dear talkers: We enjoy making conversation with you.  It breaks the humdrum of our workday.  But if there are other customers behind you, please step a bit to the side so we can ring up the next customer while we chat.  This prevents awkward situations.

Rule #26:  If you don’t want your items bagged, say so from the get-go.  It wastes time if you tell us after we’ve already bagged the items.  Never mind that the bags you are trying to save us are just going to go in the trash since it is easier and faster for us to put items in the bags that are still on the rack.  (It sort of holds the bags open for us so we don’t have to wrestle with them.)

Rule #27:  Just take the damn receipt.

Rule #28:  We aren’t judging you for returning a product.  Nor do we care why you were dissatisfied with it.

Rule #29:  If you are returning an item you bought with a credit card, we cannot give you cash for it.  We can only refund your purchase to that credit card.

Rule #30:  We are here to help you.  Let us.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions, get advice, or get help.  It’s no good for you to suffer in silence.

I always feel way smart when I get the final jeopardy answer but none of the contestants do.

……..she cried.  Um…

katoro asked: thanks for the follow ^^

absolutely ^^

keepcalmanduseyourpatronus:

I just need something chocolate and a cuddle buddy.

Is this really too much to ask?

I remembered some things that I buried deep down a long time ago.  These were things about a gentleman I once loved very dearly.  And since his death, I have always tried to hold on to only the good.  I think that is why this has surfaced in my brain only now - more than ten years after the last time I spoke to him.  It seems I may have misinterpreted some of his actions when I was younger - I might have been too naive to understand the contextual implications of what he was doing.  Were his actions as innocent as I have tried to make them out, or ought I to have told someone sooner.  I will never know his intentions now.  Perhaps my tentativeness was enough to discourage him from doing anything uncouth.  Or perhaps he never would have taken things any father.  It all seems suspect now.  Did he not, after all, insist that we go to the next room - just the two of us?  He never asked the same of his own kids - always just me - and only when the other adults were out for the evening.  There was always a line that he would never cross, but was that boundary already beyond the realm of acceptability?  The pristine concept I have of my uncle and godfather leaves no room for these kinds of blemishes.  Truly his actions could not have contained malice; truly they would only have been of love, taken too far.  …right?  I can never know the answer to these questions.  Nor can I speak to those who knew him best.  Were I to make these accusations, his best friends and his own wife would never be able to think of him the same way again. Yet they are the only people who could console me that I am misreading the situation.  (But would they have an unbiased view?)  How different things look in hindsight!  This is very distressing to me.  Should I think of him fondly or in anger?  I wish these doubts had never floated to the surface so that I could go on remembering him for all the happy times.  Where has my blissful ignorance gone?  What should I do…?

when you realize that five of your own friends have all come to their own separate but concurrent conclusions that you need better friends.  One wouldn’t think that reciprocity and sincerity would be that hard, but apparently they are.  Apparently my problems are too taxing for other people to deal with.  (What the actual fuck?!)  So excuse the fuck out of me.  Excuse me for never even once complaining about listening to everyone else’s problems.  All the people who are in my life but who don’t actually give a shit can go fuck themselves.